Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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