Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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