we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
