look no pants
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
