oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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