It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
