Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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