I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
