So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
