Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
