i may or may not be watching the land before time
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
