HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just high enough for therapy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
