Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
