Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
