She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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