I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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