9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
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