I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
