hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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