thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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