You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
