those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
