mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
