New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
