Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
