You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
