There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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