No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I won the penis lottery.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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