We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
