like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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