A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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