maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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