would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
