Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
