It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
