I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
