You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
