I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
