i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
