I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
