Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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