Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize