The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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