I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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