..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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