used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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