just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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