can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
