Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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