i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just high enough for therapy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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