I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
