Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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