After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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