The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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