so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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