Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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