didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am available for nakedness
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
