just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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