my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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