Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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