I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
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The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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