I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
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I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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