My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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