Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
