I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
