Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
