we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
