MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
