I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
