Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
