i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
