bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
