The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
we're so committed to being not committed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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