Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
