I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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