I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
