ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
