He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Welp...herpes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
