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she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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