i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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