dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
