They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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