i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize