then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
